25 Things 25-Year-Olds Need To Realize

I counted 23 pig carcasses. Add 2 and you get 25.

I counted 23 pig carcasses. Add 2 and you get 25.

I turned 25 (years old) this year, so I thought it’d be pretty nifty if I told strangers things about themselves, which is the thing to do for someone at my advanced and wisened age on the Internet. Can’t argue with the Internet.

  1. You were an idiot.
  2. You are an idiot.
  3. You will always be an idiot.
  4. You are a damned fool.
  5. You have said and done idiotic and inane things.
  6. You will continue to say and do idiotic and inane things.
  7. You have done enormously idiotic things.
  8. While we’re on the topic, you dress(ed) like an idiot.
  9. Stop being such an idiot.
  10. Know what you’re doing right now? It’s idiotic.
  11. Your friends are idiots.
  12. Your parents were idiots.
  13. You may know one person whose not an idiot, but that’s only after they’ve exhausted all options.
  14. You’re also smug.
  15. Chances are you’re a twit. You definitely display some twittish traits.
  16. Your grasp on reality is tenuous.
  17. You are a moron.
  18. You are a dumbass.
  19. You are a stupid dumbass.
  20. You are a fool.
  21. You are an idiot.
  22. You’re an embarrassment.
  23. You are imbecilic, if not an imbecile.
  24. You probably were an asshole for large swaths of your life.
  25. You like idiots.

“John” you say, “How did you possibly figure this out?!”

Deep and unabated introspection.

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